How are you really, friend?

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.
-- Ed Cunningham

Three words, nine letters, and it can make all the difference in the world: “How are you?” At times I am convinced that a sincere “How are you?” says more about how much you mean to someone than an “I love you”.

We can gush out an “I love you” to a stranger that lets us go before them to the bathroom when they notice us dancing to the tune of a bursting bladder and totally mean it at the time. And of course, we can say it more times than we can count no matter how false it may be when we feel it is what we need to say to get ‘some’.

But I have noticed this; No matter how badly you want a person or want a favor from said person, or are grateful to said person, it is mighty hard to listen to the answer to “How are you?” when you do not care. Especially when the answer is anything other than “I am fine, thanks for asking”.

At times, I do not realize how far I have drifted from a friend until they ask “How are you?” If a reflex “I am fine” comes out when I am anything but, I know the friendship is going downhill and I need to decide if I’m going to try and save it or just watch it fall into that dark abyss of past friendships.

If I ask a perfunctory “How are you?” and cannot be bothered to listen to anything that is not an equally cursory “I am fine”, I know there is no need lying to myself about how little someone really matters.

It amazes me how amazed everyone is at a suicide. The amazement is even more amazing when the person has tons of ‘friends’ and loved ones coming out to say how sorry and sad they are and that they had no idea what the person was going through.

It makes me wonder, if people are such amazing actors/actresses, why are we being plagued with so many horrible movies these days? (JK! Ok, half-kidding)

It makes me wonder, would someone asking “How are you?” and waiting to hear the full answer, no matter how long and horrible it was, have made a difference? I don’t know… but I wonder.

A failed suicide attempt had parents and friends ask; “Why?” “Why didn’t you talk to us?” “How could we not know?” Still shaking from the visit to the no man’s land between life and death, Anna said, “You did not ask”. Mary looked away and said ‘I did. You didn’t listen’

While some people would judge and say you should be proactive about seeking help when you need it, blah blah blah, I think of how often we ask ‘How are you?’ and neither expect nor wait for a real answer.

Sometimes all we need is someone to listen. So what if the next time I ask a friend ‘How are you?’ I ask in a way that told them they could get vulnerable? What would I learn? What could I prevent?

#thingsIthinkaboutat4am

A Dream Deferred...(more like abandoned)

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore– And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over– like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

~ Langston Hughes

Yesterday was a bitter-sweet day. A number of my friends and classmates from High school graduated from the Ghana Law school. 

I have mentioned on this blog (I think) that growing up, I probably went through crushes on all the professions there were. 

Law was my longest-lasting crush...

So yesterday, I congratulated my friends and then sat to re-evaluate my life, a tad wistful. 

I never gave law a chance. It held my fancy the longest out of all my professional crushes and yet I never even went out for drinks with it.

You know that cute guy/girl you fancied and never dated but will always smile wistfully whenever you see them with another? 

No matter how happy you are with your partner?

I love what I'm studying now and given the chance to do it again, I probably still wont choose law. 

I'm excited to finish school and get my hands on impacting the world with all I am learning.

But for me, law will probably always remain, that cute boy/girl you see or remember and wonder,

'What if?' even if you don't want them anymore...

Do you have a 'What if'?

My Favourite Time of the Day is...

image source: totaltranslucency.wordpress.com

Just before Sunrise...
The moon is still there but is grudgingly conceding defeat and going down slowly

The sun is not yet out but it’s brighter than it’s been all night so I know that it is just around the corner

And as the sun lazily rises and bursts brightness onto the mellow scene, it’s the gift of a new day, to do with as I choose

It’s another day! Yesterday doesn’t matter so much anymore, unless I want it to and refuse (consciously or unconsciously) to move on. 

Today, I can take a step closer to my dream, or a step further away from it.

I can read a book, write, have intelligent discussions and advance my existing knowledge

I could discover the cure for cancer or AIDS

I could also do nothing, add no value whatsoever to my life or the world.

Or even subtract…

And that’s why I love this time of day; the endless possibilities…

And knowing that if I get to see this time of day tomorrow, I’ll want to be wiser and stronger. 
I'll want to feel good about my use of yesterday, which is today...
And so I am inspired to go out and make something of today


What is your favourite time of the day?

How low shall we sink?

(What I think about when I should be sleeping...)

Perhaps I'm being paranoid but every time I take stock,it seems society is sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss of depravity. And what is worse is that the deeper we sink, the more we accept the depths as the norm and shun the 'light', calling it idealistic and unattainable.

Pertinent examples
1) Anyone over the age of 18(being very optimistic here) who claims virginity must be a liar or a closeted freak who is fighting a losing battle against her 'true' self/nature.
2) Anyone who expects faithfulness in a committed relationship or even marriage is an idealist, has his/her head in the clouds and is asking for the impossible.
3) Anyone who does not take alcohol, smoke cigarettes or do drugs is an A+ liar or a frustrated human who is allowing their 'true self' to be oppressed and suppressed by societal or religious expectations. No negotiations.
4) Anyone who expects honesty from others and is honest is just too naive for his/her own good and is asking to be taken advantage of.

These are off the top of my head, but I'm sure you can help me name more. Do share similar ideologies you may have encountered or heard of...

Number two is very interesting to me. We have 'psychologists' coming up with studies to show that poly-amorous relationships are the way to go and anyone who denies or resists this is asking for a lifetime of deception or heartache. And people are buying into this. I'm sure as alarming as divorce rates are, they have fallen in some places because people are just not bothering to get married any more. Why bother?

Question is, if we are discovering our 'true natures' as all these findings and forward ways of thinking are suggesting, why is society in a greater mess than it's ever been, with a forecast of a continued downhill ride?