Anything but Usual...

Today is Saturday
The Sun is shining
It's 11am 
People are;
doing laundry
having brunch
getting ready to go to the mall
The usual?
Well, Sarah is being buried 
today
at 25...


She was my mate in High School. Bunked next to me in Form One. My mum never ceased asking of her especially after my cousin passed from sickle cell because Sarah had it too.
She fought valiantly and had a smile even in her pain that re-assured you when she was the one in pain.
Against the odds, 
She finished high school
finished Uni
seemed to be getting stronger each day
took ill
gone
at 25...

She has probably been buried already, time difference and all

I’m sitting here looking out my window, beautiful day. People going about their usual business. And yet it’s anything but usual for the people who have to bury or lose their loves ones today.

More importantly, It’s anything but usual for those who never got to see today. RIP Sarah!

How low shall we sink?

(What I think about when I should be sleeping...)

Perhaps I'm being paranoid but every time I take stock,it seems society is sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss of depravity. And what is worse is that the deeper we sink, the more we accept the depths as the norm and shun the 'light', calling it idealistic and unattainable.

Pertinent examples
1) Anyone over the age of 18(being very optimistic here) who claims virginity must be a liar or a closeted freak who is fighting a losing battle against her 'true' self/nature.
2) Anyone who expects faithfulness in a committed relationship or even marriage is an idealist, has his/her head in the clouds and is asking for the impossible.
3) Anyone who does not take alcohol, smoke cigarettes or do drugs is an A+ liar or a frustrated human who is allowing their 'true self' to be oppressed and suppressed by societal or religious expectations. No negotiations.
4) Anyone who expects honesty from others and is honest is just too naive for his/her own good and is asking to be taken advantage of.

These are off the top of my head, but I'm sure you can help me name more. Do share similar ideologies you may have encountered or heard of...

Number two is very interesting to me. We have 'psychologists' coming up with studies to show that poly-amorous relationships are the way to go and anyone who denies or resists this is asking for a lifetime of deception or heartache. And people are buying into this. I'm sure as alarming as divorce rates are, they have fallen in some places because people are just not bothering to get married any more. Why bother?

Question is, if we are discovering our 'true natures' as all these findings and forward ways of thinking are suggesting, why is society in a greater mess than it's ever been, with a forecast of a continued downhill ride?

Summer Vacation...

Hello Blogsville,

I must say that I enjoy blogsville during the summer. The frustrated and stressed academic and employment posts greatly reduce and the sunshine generally has a positive addition to the blogposts that are posted.

Most of my summer was taken up by examinations which are thankfully over *phew!* However, I spent the last week visiting with a friend and I must say that I am getting the whole concept of vacationing.

I did not have an all-expenses paid, first-class and five-star holiday or anything but just the little time spent in fellowship with like-minded people, without the stress of schoolwork or employment pressure worked wonders. Little wonder some people do not joke with their leave days even if it is three working days.

During this mini-vacay, I decided to face one of my greatest fears - heights. And what better way than to go on amusement park rides?

My gosh! I certainly bit off more than I can chew. It didn't help that the children before me on the three rides I dared to try were all excited and hands in the air. I gripped the handles so hard I'm surprised I didn't break any and screamed louder than a colic baby. Thoughts? I can cross that off my bucket list but it will take a lot of motivation ;) to get me on one of those again.

Just as we were about to exit, my friend saw the acrophobia ride and decided we had to try that. I don't know what I was thinking but before I knew it, I was on the ride (if it can be called that). This 'ride' is designed to help you face and conquer your fear of heights by lifting you slowly to a height of 200 feet and dropping you at a speed of about 62 miles per hour. The drop takes at most 5 seconds, but it's like the longest five seconds of your life.

I was so scared that I prayed like six times going up. The drop was so bad that when I started to scream, the scream got stuck in my throat. When I got down, 'all the animals on my body had run away (na mi ho mboa nyinaa ayira). You know my post Adrenalin Junkies ? Forget it, I am no Adrenalin Junkie. It's been nearly a week and I have to keep myself from screaming every time the bus takes a bend.

What exciting things have you been doing with your summer? Have you been, and do you enjoy roller coaster and other amusement park rides? Which is your favourite?

Human Banking?

Why is it so difficult to let great people go when you KNOW you do not love them the way they deserve to be loved, the way they love you?

Is it perhaps because in our minds, we have created human banks where we can keep relationship prospects until we have need of them? Prospects who have all we should ideally seek in a partner, but do not inspire in us, the grand passion every great love story, from sleeping beauty to Romeo and Juliet, swears is the sign of true love?

So we say 'sorry, let's stay friends' to these gems we do not want and administer a tricky combination of just enough sweetness to keep hope alive, and just enough distance to remind them we're not theirs. And just when that begins to sink in, add that spicy tang that says 'well, I'm not yours, but I could be... sometime  never in the future' *insert horned devil emoticon*

We service this relationship like we would a savings account or investment. We make timely deposits of phone calls, text messages, tweets, wall posts, etc. We make the expected rare withdrawals here and there. And basically, expect the people to lie there like our cash does, waiting for the day we decide we do want them after all, or that we'd settle for them.

And when we hear of a wedding, we reluctantly sell our shares in that investment, unless we're into the married man/woman booty-call scene...

Has any of this sounded familiar at all?

I was blasting a certain guy for toying with my friend's emotions, by putting her in a bank and not letting her move on, when I let the words sink in and realized, we all probably do this on some level - keep people we are not particularly fond of close just in case we ever need them.

What do you think of 'human banking'? When does it cross that line between prudent investment and toying with another's emotions? Any stories?

It's good to look back and see how far you've come once in a while...

In my first year of University, I was painfully shy and would cross the road to avoid passing a group of guys if I saw them coming early enough to avoid it looking really awkward and suspicious. Spotting them early enough was kind of hard to do though because I insisted on walking with all my attention on the pavement as if it was the most interesting thing I’d ever seen.

I was scared of even my own shadow back then. I didn’t dare look in their direction if I had to swallow the bitter pill of passing them. What was I scared of? 

1) that someone may like what he saw and endeavour to make me a target for his ‘lustful desires’. I had heard stories of how third and final years pounced on unassuming, naive girls like myself. I was aware how vulnerable I was because of how little I knew and had been exposed to. And it scared me… and made me afraid.

2) I was scared that someone wouldn’t like what he saw and make a remark or comment that would mar my self-esteem which was perpetually on life-support back then.

Today, my self-esteem is off life-support, not because I think of myself any highly than I used to back then, sadly. It’s because I have recognized that even if I bumped into twenty people in one day who all hated how I looked, spoke, or everything I am, they are only twenty out of over six billion people.

I walk comfortably past a group of guys now. I even check them out to see if there’s any eye candy to feast my eyes upon for a few seconds. I am not the girl I used to be… and I am glad.

So, what personal change are you grateful for?