Thursday, June 3, 2010

He's just not THAT into YOU

I recently watched “He’s just not that into you”. It’s a wonderful movie and I think everyone should watch it. A lot that’s said in there is true. Believe me, I know. Don’t ask how.

Most of us on one level or another believe we are the exception to rules we don’t want to believe are true. A girl who finds herself in love with a ‘playa’ believes she is the one who will make him realize the error of his ways and change; become monogamous all for her.

It’s been said that guys like a good challenge but in a different way, I think we girls like challenges too. Why else will a quiet, shy and God-fearing young lady believe she can change an errant twenty-something year old guy and make him the kind of man all the ladies will envy her for? Why else will a girl continue trying to find the good in a bad guy when even his mom has given up on him?

I believe if a guy really wants to be with you, he will make it happen. Seriously, at least he will try. Most of the excuses they give all point to one thing…you are not the ‘ying’ to his ‘yang’.

One classic scenario is when a guy says “I’m not ready.” Sweetheart, let him go. Guys, at least be original here. That used to be the typical Ghanaian female response and we all know most of the time, what it meant was that she just wasn’t that into you. When she was genuinely confused, she gave you reason to hang around.

There is an Akan Proverb that says “If you feel you are too smart, you might end up greeting a goat.” The bible also says in Proverbs that there is more hope for a fool than a man who is wise in his own eyes. I am talking about me.

I met a certain guy, a wonderful guy. I think he was the first guy I genuinely loved. You know sometimes you get hurt and convince yourself you’ve stopped believing in Happily-ever-afters? That was the state I was in when I met him. I convinced myself I didn’t want any committed relationship with any guy and so in the beginning acted all non-chalant about our ‘relationship’ I kept telling myself I could walk away from him at anytime I chose(The lies we tell ourselves in order to sleep easy!).

Well, yes you guessed right. I woke up one day wanting more. And from then on, anytime he did something I’d easily had brushed off in the past, my heart broke a little.

In the end, my heart broke a lot. I cried over a guy for the first time in my life. I avoided places I might meet him for a very long time and I must say, the healing process is still on-going.

He says he is not ready; he won’t be able to make me as happy as I deserve. He says he’ll hurt me, that I deserve better and ended it with a ‘coup de grace’-Any guy who ends up with me is one heck of a lucky guy because I’m pretty special.

You know what? That ‘Lucky guy’, it could have been him. If I’m so darn special, where is he off to? Why won’t he stay? How does he know that I deserve better than I do? It beat my mind then and it still does.

Don’t sweat it trying to figure out how much of this truth and how much is fiction. That is not the point. There are a few points I noted

#1.-If a guy tells you he’s not ready, don’t wait around for him. There’s a very good chance that he will never be ready for a committed relationship-so long as it’s with you.

#2.-Any guy who tells you that you deserve better is right-After all he should know himself better than anyone, when a guy feels unworthy of you, he will act unworthy of you.

#3.-How you act in the beginning stages of any relationship determines how you’ll be treated later on. Ask all the tough questions at the start. Don’t pretend or playact. Don’t try to be too smart. It will only backfire.

#4.-People tend to grow on you. No matter how evil a guy may be, he will have good sides and if you hang around long enough, you may fall in love with the good side and get hurt by the evil side.

#5.-If you don’t know what you want, you will never get it. Why? Because you won’t recognize it even if it walked right up to you and introduced itself.

So be honest, love yourself, love with all your heart and if you find that ‘Happily-ever-after’, let me know. I’d be elated to write your love story.


  1. Oye,maybe u should write my love story :)

  2. i will dear. u dun even have to ask. I will wring ur neck if u deny me of that honour. happy for u gurl.