I read a blog the other day that convicted me. This lady had just completed school in the UK and a lot of people were asking her what she intended to do next. Scratch that, actually, they were just asking her what school she intended to go to for graduate school. Since she graduated second in her class, everyone just took for granted that her next step was going to be graduate school. In her blog, however, she explained that all she really wants to do is get married and have kids and that all her life, she's just wanted to be a wife and a mother.
As I read this, I fumed about how she was erasing all the hardwork feminists all over the world had wrought over the years and that this was exactly why women are still where we are. I thought, in the two steps forward, one step back dance, she was one of the steps taken back. And then I got to her next paragraph and bowed my head in shame.
She said she knew 'feminists' and women's rights whatevers would jump on her back for this, but she had one question; isn't our cause the right to choice? Isn't all the advocacy to give women a choice in what they wanted to do instead of what society dictates for them from history? Why then would we take those chains off only to put a new set on? Why claim we are fighting for choice and yet she is not free to choose?
She went to University and beat all the guys in her class to graduate second in her class in a science programme; the first was a lady too. Surely, this is enough proof that she believes a woman can do what a man can do too (or even better). She just chooses to be a housewife because that's what she's dreamed of all her life. Isn't that another goal, to free and empower women to pursue their dreams? We are fighting for a little girl in Africa's dream to become a doctor and condemning her dreams, calling her a sellout, because she does not dream the dreams we want her to dream...
I feel like this is a little like what the natural hair community is becoming. I understand the passion behind the 'freedom from the slave mentality' cause and all. However, I believe we are allowing something that should bring us together to drive us apart because of our approach. We are not going to get people to wear their natural hair by calling them mentally enslaved, self-hating, etc. We cannot blame slavery for creating a divide, and turn around and do the same.
We claim racism made us very aware of the different shades of 'chocolate', from coffee chocolate to milk chocolate, and also made us all too aware of how kinks and coils got tighter with darkening skin tones, causing us to reject our skin and hair, leading to self-hate, etc. So now once we get rid of our last relaxer, we turn around and hate on those who have not seen 'the light' and are still perming their hair.
Correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like we are on the verge of the hair version of reverse racism. I thought the whole idea was to educate people about the historical reasons why they are conditioned to think their hair is not good hair and encourage them that kinks, naps, coils and curls are beautiful too so they should wear their own hair out. When did it become about forcing them, by calling them names, trying to make them feel inferior, etc. to conform to what you believe is right? I've heard folks call others victims, slaves, unenlightened, etc. because they choose to wear their hair permed. Isn't this exactly what went on in the past? Haven't we just changed the team doing the name calling?
I truly believe that the natural community would serve the cause they are advocating better by educating the 'unconverted' , and leaving them well-alone to choose what they want to do with their hair. Yes, o, now it is comparable to religion. I asked someone why she fought others so hard and she asked me whether when I accepted Christ, I didn't go around convincing my friends they were wrong and that Christ was the only answer.
I told her, yes, I shared. However, it's the Holy Spirit that convicts and so in the understanding that sometimes, Paul sows the seed, Apollo waters and someone else harvests, I share and if they do not accept, leave them alone, pray for them and continue working on myself in the hope that my life would be a good letter of recommendation and draw them to God. Maybe she could do the same? She scoffed.
You can encourage them to come-over to your side by rocking your hair so hard she'll want to rock hers too because really, just like hellfire and damnation sermons are not as effective (in the long-term) as the message of love, all the name-calling isn't going to get us very far. I for one was drawn to natural hair by someone's hair. She didn't have to say a word. I went and asked all the questions and she patiently explained her whys and hows. If my hair is completely natural the next time you see me, it's because of her.
I honestly don't think any race has time for us, to figure out who is self-hating, etc. and laugh at us without our help. Most of them do not know enough about us and our features to do so. We are the ones using what should bring us together, to drive us apart.
*natural hair here has been used to refer to hair that is not permed.
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