Letter to my Sister (1)

This letter was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend’s younger sister. It was written to encourage those who may need encouragement or know someone who does… 

Dearest Naomi,

O, how the tables have turned from yesterday! I hear them whispering behind my back; saying in hushed tones ‘Can you believe her!’  I see them point and laugh. They call me ‘relic’, ‘dinosaur’ and taunt me with their stares. But I am unfazed; I do not care. And it only makes them stare harder, wonder more. What is with her?

I went to school the other day to find scrawled on my locker; ‘Get with the program, girl! The definition changed from dignity to a lack of opportunity’ I smile and wipe it off. When will they get that I don’t care? That I have no desire to enroll in the so-called program?

I thank God for the little talk we had before you went off to college. It’s helped me understand them and respond in love. Animosity towards what’s different from you is probably as old as society. We tend to shun and ridicule what we do not understand. But I’d be all too willing to explain if only they’d ask!

I’m not doing this to feel special or to get attention for being different. This kind of attention, I can live without. It’s neither cos I was told in Sunday school nor cos I have ice running through my veins. I have the same desires they do. I’m doing this for one reason only, to honor God’s temple.

And even then, this is not all it takes. It’s the purity of body, mind and spirit and becoming more and more like Christ by consistently doing God’s will through Christ who strengthens me that honors God. So I do not feel any better than anyone for all sin is sin.

I have a question for you though, do you remember at youth fellowship when Auntie Mary said there were fringe benefits to remaining a virgin before marriage and she gave the example of your husband not having to wonder if any guy who greets you a little too familiarly once owned what is now his? You got up, nostrils flaring and said, ‘If it was for a man, I would have given up ages ago; these men who cheat and beat their wives?’

Everyone was surprised because you were always so quiet but it did drive a point home; it’s for God. And that is why sometimes I worry when I find myself praying; ‘God, I really hope you have someone special for me’, as if I deserve some reward for honoring Him. Do you feel that way sometimes?

Your Sister,

Eunice

Virginity versus Purity

An old post by Naijalines (Back door virgins) which I chanced upon recently got me thinking about an issue which interests me greatly... 

Especially in the light of a conversation I overheard recently where a girl was telling her friend how she was a virgin and got a phone call with her friend at the other end, asking which lubricant was best for anal sex. I don't know if she was advertising the sound quality of her phone that day, because the whole bus heard.

In high school, I wrote a piece about how many mothers were giving their daughters reason to believe the only reason they cared what they did with their sexualities was because they were afraid they'd contract HIV/AIDS or get pregnant and bring disgrace to the family. It's a sad truth in many homes and my problem was that I felt if that was really the issue, you might as well throw some condoms at your daughter when she turns ten or eleven and tell her to be careful. It was devaluing a mother's interest in her daughter's reproductive health to what society would think of the mother should her daughter get pregnant or HIV/AIDS.

In the issue at hand (Virginity versus Purity), my concern is that the idea of virginity is reduced to the technicality of having some sort of barrier (be it a hymen or unusual tightness) to bear witness to a purity which is often not there. 

At a Campus event, two years ago, a speaker ventured that the first kiss of any couple should be at the Altar. You should have seen the looks on our faces! It was like 'If that was the criteria, then we've all failed' And it was a Christian gathering. There is supposed to be 'Not even a hint' of sexual immorality amongst us and yet, it appeared impossible and ludicrous to us, in our day and age to expect that from us.

Another seminar I went to had the speaker asking us to guess the most asked question he got whenever he spoke to students about sex. You guessed right, 'How far is too far' was the question. The question although very valid exposed our hearts. We all wanted to know how much we could do and still be in God's good books. But then he asked us to think about the reason behind our boundaries...

This is what bugs me about the whole virginity issue. The only boundary appears to be a hymen... and I am not here to cast any stone because if this was the case of the Adulterous woman, I'd be one of the first to put her stone down and run home.

But seriously, when someone who has had anal sex, oral sex, boob sex, and many other types of sex you cannot begin to imagine acts holier than someone who has had penetrative V sex because she still has her hymen intact, it really bugs me. What's the point, really? 

The most valuable lesson on this issue I learnt, was from a guy who had managed with the help of God, to complete university an unkissed virgin. When I expressed surprise and admiration, he asked, aren't the lips part of virginity? To him, it was all about devotion to God and his future wife...

The question shouldn't be one of a hymen ('virginity') but one of purity of mind, heart and body, if indeed you are abstaining for religious reasons. And for husbands and families who demand blood on the wedding night and don't really care about the rest, seriously? I can have anal sex with a horse and you wouldn't care, so long as I produce blood on my wedding night? really?

If we're abstaining, let's be pure. If we are being responsible, let's go all out and get tested regularly and use protection at all times. If we're on the fence and playing the two sides, let's recognize our situation as such and stop acting holier than thou. 

Besides, if a hymen equaled holiness, it would soon be redundant, because didn't some plastic surgeon figure out how to recreate one? It's only a matter of time before we have 'virginity' for sale. Purity on the other hand, will never be for sale...

#JustSaying