Sunday, October 17, 2010

Women... Our own enemies?

"He loves me, I love him not. He treats me like a queen, it matters not.
I love him, he loves me not. I love him, no matter what." ~ Nana Oye Odame

I remember a poem I wrote in High School about Marriage. I tried to find it and post it, but it will take some time. It all boils down to this - happens to almost every girl. There are guys who would give an arm and a leg to call you theirs and some who would take your arm and leg if you gave it to them, and throw it away, not seeing the value of your sacrifice. And correct me if I'm wrong, but we tend to mostly gravitate towards the second group.

This has earned us a reputation of not knowing what we want from the guys. Here is an illustration
Loving, sensitive, God-fearing guy: What do you want in a guy?
Lady: I want a guy who loves God, is caring and can make me laugh. A serious minded guy who is not just looking for fun but has marriage in mind...

(a few months later)
Same guy: Will you go out with me? be my girl? Will you consider the possibility of being my wife and explore that possibility with me in courtship?
Lady: I will think about it (thinking to self - Hell no! You're boring. I want excitement. and marriage? dude, I'm way too young for that. I wanna have me some fun! Where are you in a hurry to? And you care too much. You don't get mad at me or make me mad, you're always calling me to check on me... I want a guy who will allow me to have my space and not a needy guy like you. You're not man enough for me)

(of course, she says no eventually and the next time they meet, here is Lady with a child and no husband, visibly bruised and battered)

Excitement! We let the good guys go in the name of chasing excitement! Did I not say that we are adrenalin junkies? Anyway, I was telling my friend the other day, when he was debating a similar dilemma as to whether to date a 'naughty girl' or a 'good girl' that A good girl can be a naughty wife. A naughty girl can also be a good wife. It comes down to a trade-off between happiness and excitement and which risk you'd rather take.

More often than not, we choose to go with the excitement, often confusing it with happiness. We act as if when  the pastor pronounces us husband and wife, our exciting boys are going to automatically transform into responsible husbands. This is no fairytale. The pastor isn't a fairy godmother with a magic wand.

If we are honest and make two lists - one with the qualities we want in a boyfriend and another with the qualities we want in a husband, many of us may find that the lists describe two very different people. But who do we marry? Is it not our boyfriends? The unfortunate thing is that this inconsistency teaches the good boys that good guys finish last. Many of them become bad men.

And we turn and complain that good guys have gone extinct. The power is really in our hands. The power of choice. A little economics here - what we demand will get produced. If we are demanding naughty, dangerous, bad boys, who treat us badly, why do we complain when they deliver?


  1. lol, this issue is really sensitive. I guess sometimes what we want is not what is best for us. Good piece tho.

  2. thanks, dear... and it truly aint easy at all!!

  3. Reading dis good piece of yours, i find it hard believing dere are genuinely good girls out der seeking for responsible n good guys n also dere are good guys looking out for good girls to be wit. So de big que. is? wat is wrong wit us? why dnt de good guys jus meet de good girls? hmmmmmmm

  4. It's hard o! sumtyms, i think it's greed and selfishness. perhaps we just wanna eat our cakes and have it and in doing so end up messing each other up. but there are still a few good ones standing... highly endangered species. lol

  5. really? cos im in search of one but cant find any. im really tired of all de faking around me.

  6. I know it may seem like they are all finished but here are some few ones left. Are you looking for Mr. or Miss Right? Do you wanna send me an email about it?

  7. yeah i am. how do i contact you?

  8. very interesting. this post reminds me of a video a friend recently sent me:

    & thanks SO MUCH for the advice with the braids. i'll keep you posted after i visit a few shops this week. :)

  9. I think am late with this comment:) Anyway am glad you addressed both sides of the coin...guys are guilty of the same crime too. I know guys who say there are 'girls we marry' and there are 'girls we date'. And I always wonder, why the distinction?
    Anyway, nice piece as usual.

  10. Miss Kris, love that video. laughedmao.
    Dee, yup, yup. Why that distinction indeed! and what is the one you will marry supposed to be doing whilst you play around?