Melt You... (A response to my last post 'I Break Too...')

Sometimes, you're speaking and formulating your thoughts as you go; and as you pause to catch your breath or find an appropriate word, someone completes your sentence for you.

Sometimes, you may not have known at the time the person volunteered the words, exactly what you were going to say next. And yet, they say exactly what your unformed thoughts would have said if they had fully formed...

Sometimes, they say it better than you were thinking it would be... and your brain just goes to rest knowing that it's mission to communicate thoughts and feelings has been accomplished with very welcome help.

That is how I felt yesterday when Nii Amaah at Mouse's Musings wrote Melt You and credited the inspiration to my post. Like I commented on his post, If my monologue was to be a dialogue, I couldn't think of a better script for a response myself.

It may not have been meant as such but It's the best compliment my writing has been paid to date :) :) To be able to inspire such beauty! *sigh!*

I present to you... 'Melt You...'

Melt You

so i read this piece called 'I break too' which inspired 

this piece which i wrote off the cuff but i hope you enjoy. 

Melt You

I am asking for your love to flow, 

I know, I know,

you don't need me and you want me to stay away, 

but i can't help myself but to come close anyway, 

besides, it seems as if you want me close because 

you are everywhere, 

you claim its a glare but all i am reading is a wanting stare, 

engrossed in your book only to build a caricature of my smile,

with those "thees and thous", thine heart pleads to be mine, 

YOU need love and your thoughts of "leave me be" 

to my heart calls, 

your attempts to repulse, my passion engulfs, 

hidden behind the clothes and attempts to act aloof, 

is a want to care, a woman desiring to be loved 

and i am not fooled, 

so this time, my touch on the shoulder will only soothe, 

my tender hug goodbye will make you swoon,

I will pick at that crack, barge through that gate, 

i beg of you, don't fight this, don't push back 

because there is a twist, 

i can promise you this, 

i will not break you, 

i intend to melt the ice around your heart and ask 

that you drench me in your love, 

i will not break you, i will melt you, 

so please, let your love flow.

Credit: Nii Amaah (2011)

PS: If you don't melt, abeg, go and see a cardiologist. 
Your heart may have turned to stone. True story!

(The) Some Male Minds

Reading Dava's Blog the other day, I was reminded of one incident that left a sour taste in my mouth. I was on a bus headed for circle and the radio programme airing at that time was on ladies who cheated on their husbands, got pregnant, and passed the kids off to their husbands as their own (their husbands, that is).

There was one very vocal guy on the bus who exclaimed that it would never happen to him, that women could not be trusted, and that was why he would never marry but will continue to use as many women as he could. To quote him, 'As you no go fit put meter for your woman top, she fit share plus any bro. So why pay for it?Why be the monkey when you can be the baboon and chop some free?' He went on and on for about fifteen minutes.

Of course, I must mention that considering this man's looks and mannerisms, it was no loss to women that he didn't want to get married. However, his opinions which he was proudly forcing down our throats just rubbed my feminist self too badly for me not to comment. 

I turned to the guy sitting next to me and said 'This guy is making noise. How will what he is saying solve anybody's problems? Besides, if no man was to touch another woman other than his wife, this problem would be non-existent.' Seriously, guys, think about it... (Of course, reasoning along similar lines, I will also say that if women allowed only their husbands to touch them, cheating husbands would be non-existent cos there would be no one for them to cheat with. If he was going around using women (other people's wives, now or in future), why was he making noise about someone using his own?

And here, [Editor's note: Did my suggestion sound ridiculous? It would in this day and age, right? Like Miss Kris said, 'that is such an amazing way to think about it. too bad it's unrealistic... that's like asking for a world of completely monogamous people. doubt people will ever come around to that. but it's a really good hypothesis anyway'. And because we are not willing to make that sacrifice, we shouldn't blame anyone for the mess we're in. We are all contributing - consciously or unconsciously. Just work on YOUR relationship]

Mr. vocal overheard this and said 'How can I dae a girl and not touch her? What the would show that she is mine?' He then proceeded to propound a very stupid theory. "Women are proud and very aware of their sexuality these days and use their sexuality against men. With the campaign for girl-child education, they have also become loud and argumentative. We all know women are smarter than us so the only way you can subdue a today's woman is to sleep with her. Then, she becomes mellow and knows her place.

Seriously? Sex is how you subdue a woman and retain your manhood? Then that manhood must not have been very big to begin with. You cannot imagine how pissed I was. .. He actually said 'When you catch her, you give it to her well well and she will know who is boss.' Lesbianism began to look very good to me, especially when about 70% of the men in the bus proceeded to agree with him. 

When you take a woman's sexuality and womanhood and bastardize it, making it her weakness and your weapon against her, a way of staking your claim on her... Will she want to be a WOMAN? Be with a man?No wonder more and more ladies are becoming lesbians. No wonder more women are wising up and using their sexualities to get what they want from life. It's sad, really! But hey, if they are going to be used anyway, it might as well be on their terms, don't you think?

www.photochart.com

Of course, I shouldn't really pay that much attention to this guy. He also said educated women should not marry educated men because those will cheat on them. They should marry fitters, masons and the like to decrease the income gap... We asked him what he would say and do if his university graduate daughter wanted to marry a truck-pusher and he fumbled. Everyone in the car pounced on him... even the masons and fitters who had initially nodded when he started the theory joined in.

When someone asked if he had ever been hurt by a woman, he said never! How possible? He also said he had 4 sisters and that his parents were still together. Where then did he get this 'socialization' from? Is there hope at all with men walking about thinking like this???

Women... Our own enemies?

"He loves me, I love him not. He treats me like a queen, it matters not.
I love him, he loves me not. I love him, no matter what." ~ Nana Oye Odame


I remember a poem I wrote in High School about Marriage. I tried to find it and post it, but it will take some time. It all boils down to this - happens to almost every girl. There are guys who would give an arm and a leg to call you theirs and some who would take your arm and leg if you gave it to them, and throw it away, not seeing the value of your sacrifice. And correct me if I'm wrong, but we tend to mostly gravitate towards the second group.


This has earned us a reputation of not knowing what we want from the guys. Here is an illustration
Loving, sensitive, God-fearing guy: What do you want in a guy?
Lady: I want a guy who loves God, is caring and can make me laugh. A serious minded guy who is not just looking for fun but has marriage in mind...


(a few months later)
Same guy: Will you go out with me? be my girl? Will you consider the possibility of being my wife and explore that possibility with me in courtship?
Lady: I will think about it (thinking to self - Hell no! You're boring. I want excitement. and marriage? dude, I'm way too young for that. I wanna have me some fun! Where are you in a hurry to? And you care too much. You don't get mad at me or make me mad, you're always calling me to check on me... I want a guy who will allow me to have my space and not a needy guy like you. You're not man enough for me)


(of course, she says no eventually and the next time they meet, here is Lady with a child and no husband, visibly bruised and battered)


Excitement! We let the good guys go in the name of chasing excitement! Did I not say that we are adrenalin junkies? Anyway, I was telling my friend the other day, when he was debating a similar dilemma as to whether to date a 'naughty girl' or a 'good girl' that A good girl can be a naughty wife. A naughty girl can also be a good wife. It comes down to a trade-off between happiness and excitement and which risk you'd rather take.


More often than not, we choose to go with the excitement, often confusing it with happiness. We act as if when  the pastor pronounces us husband and wife, our exciting boys are going to automatically transform into responsible husbands. This is no fairytale. The pastor isn't a fairy godmother with a magic wand.


If we are honest and make two lists - one with the qualities we want in a boyfriend and another with the qualities we want in a husband, many of us may find that the lists describe two very different people. But who do we marry? Is it not our boyfriends? The unfortunate thing is that this inconsistency teaches the good boys that good guys finish last. Many of them become bad men.


And we turn and complain that good guys have gone extinct. The power is really in our hands. The power of choice. A little economics here - what we demand will get produced. If we are demanding naughty, dangerous, bad boys, who treat us badly, why do we complain when they deliver?

On being Feminist...

On being feminist...

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute. ~Rebecca West, "Mr Chesterton in Hysterics: A Study in Prejudice," The Clarion, 14 Nov 1913, reprinted in The Young Rebecca, 1982

It never ceases to amuse me when my friends refer to me as a feminist. Initially, it bothered me. I tried to defend my stance whenever I made a statement, remark or suggestion that was branded feminist. Over time, I grew tired of all that defense. I really thought, felt and believed those things I said and if my thoughts, feelings and if my thoughts, beliefs and feelings branded me a feminist, why resist? If not being a feminist meant renouncing any of those things, then it also meant renouncing who I was and I’d rather be who I am, feminist and all, than waste time failing at the alternative (i.e. pretending to be otherwise)

One might think I accepted the brand feminist too readily. Not really. I began to enjoy the name even, shortly after acceptance, when I realized what the general Ghanaian (read Ghanaian men I have debated gender issues with) definition for feminism is. I may not be able to give you a strict definition, but it is very close to what my starting quote says. Now, I will answer readily to the name feminist, sometimes thanking you for the compliment, and sometimes exaggerate my stance to poke a bit of fun at those brave enough to debate me on gender issues. The frustrating thing about this is that most at times, my interlocutors do not get my joke and I laugh alone.

I think I remember my debut ‘single’ which launched me into the feminist industry. I was one fine Saturday, overhearing a conversation between two guys (I refuse to call them gentlemen) and a lady when I got the inspiration for this ‘single’ It was around that time when some women’s rights advocates were agitating for 50-50 representation in parliament and I was in a tro-tro (bus) headed for the central business district of Accra from Legon campus.

The subject was being discussed on radio and immediately the topic was broached, these two guys, having out-numbered this young lady, proceeded to give all the reasons why women will never be equal to men (as if that was the point of the radio discussion!). The lady tried – I must give her some credit for that – but these two guys bullied her both conversationally and physically. She was of a slight frame and she was sitting between the guys… what chance did she stand? Again, they talked over her whenever she started to talk. In the end, she laughed and conceded defeat saying she was all talked out.

I, who had been sitting behind them all this while doing my best to keep my thoughts to myself, tapped her lightly on the shoulder and said “Sweetheart, don’t worry your head over them. Who says we want to be equal to them anyway? Why would we? When we are superior to them in so many ways? Becoming equal to them would mean a demotion from our superior place. And we certainly wouldn’t want that would we?” With that, I smiled sweetly at the trio. The guys were shocked into silence and I was able to enjoy the rest of the ride in peace. I’m sure they restarted the discussion after I got off; but my point had been made.

Recounting this to a friend that evening, he said; “Herr, Feminist paa dis!” I thought I had been stating the obvious. Men and women will never be equal. Equal rights will not make us equal. Giving an apple the same rights as an orange will never make the two equal.