Monday, February 7, 2011
Cupid has a Darn Good Lawyer (III)...
I put a value on the tears I cried when he broke up with me and the weight I gained through comfort eating and the sweat I had to work up at the gym to burn those pounds off. Put a value on my mental agony, anxiety and stress I went through whenever he misbehaved. I did the same for all the other grievances and my chest puffed with pride as I watched the numbers pile up. At this rate, I was going to be a trillionaire at Cupid’s expense...
But cupid’s lawyer was right. My heart would not let me lie and when I came to citing the benefits and valuing them, it showed me that it had an equal capacity to remember hawppiness as it did to remember pain. By the time I was done, I was in the negative. I was as shocked as you and went back to carefully scrutinize the two accounts carefully. Yup! I owed Cupid. Big Time.
You see, the time he made me cry and call him every name under the earth was crossed out by the time he made me so happy I sang ‘I have the best boyfriend in the world all week. Never heard the song? Don’t worry. I haven’t recorded it yet. As for the weight gain, they were cancelled by the weight I lost being too happy to eat or being satisfied just sitting and chatting with him.
Cupid had a darn good lawyer because he made me do all the work and still won the case. He has a proven 100% track record. If he had gone to Harvard Law School, he would have graduated top of his class. He is very efficient and wins his cases using as little of the company’s resources as possible. Whatever your field, he would find a way to make you argue his case out for him, in your
own language and terms.
Cupid has a brilliant lawyer and if you want, you can try him out; although if I were you, I’d save myself the time and hassle. I asked him what he would have done if I had ended up with a positive value. 'A valid question', he said, '...a few did. But they forget to factor in the fact that although Cupid’s bow plants seeds, you humans are always in control of your senses and willpower and yet choose to willingly succumb and fertilize these tiny seeds Cupid sows into towering oaks. Cupid often offers to share the respvnsibility and even when he takes ninety percent, the ten is enough to send them into the negative'. 'And those who pass this stage too?' I asked…’If I told you, I’d have to kill you', he smiled.
Cupid’s brilliant lawyer is a businessman too. Seeing I would never be able to pay off the debt in one lifetime, he offered to cancel my debt if I gave him and the company ‘Cupid and co.’ a raving review on my blog, telling the whole world he whooped my backside fair and square. Yes, this post was written under duress.
So there, Cupid, consider our debt settled. I still think you’re a lousy shot though. If I bought you contacts, would you wear them? :P