Is it perhaps because in our minds, we have created human banks where we can keep relationship prospects until we have need of them? Prospects who have all we should ideally seek in a partner, but do not inspire in us, the grand passion every great love story, from sleeping beauty to Romeo and Juliet, swears is the sign of true love?
So we say 'sorry, let's stay friends' to these gems we do not want and administer a tricky combination of just enough sweetness to keep hope alive, and just enough distance to remind them we're not theirs. And just when that begins to sink in, add that spicy tang that says 'well, I'm not yours, but I could be... sometime
We service this relationship like we would a savings account or investment. We make timely deposits of phone calls, text messages, tweets, wall posts, etc. We make the expected rare withdrawals here and there. And basically, expect the people to lie there like our cash does, waiting for the day we decide we do want them after all, or that we'd settle for them.
And when we hear of a wedding, we reluctantly sell our shares in that investment, unless we're into the married man/woman booty-call scene...
Has any of this sounded familiar at all?
I was blasting a certain guy for toying with my friend's emotions, by putting her in a bank and not letting her move on, when I let the words sink in and realized, we all probably do this on some level - keep people we are not particularly fond of close just in case we ever need them.
What do you think of 'human banking'? When does it cross that line between prudent investment and toying with another's emotions? Any stories?
Posts
Wow, this post is so on point and true. I have been a victim of this before and also been on the other side. Some how we all do it without realizing the selfishness it is but then we continue for some odd reason I cant figure out yet, maybe attention? Not sure.
ReplyDeleteI really like this post!
I must confess,this situation sounds all too familiar, i have also some time in the past been both culprit and victim but never really thought about it until now.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Perhaps you're right. The attention might be a factor. Especially when the one who does inspire the so-called grand passion isn't forthcoming with attention. It's interesting. It's almost like a default setting. CIB should present all of us with banking certificates.
ReplyDeleteLucci, I'll bet most of us have been in both situations at one point in time or another, sometimes even at the same time, hence the infamous love-triangle. I know I have!
ReplyDeleteThis post is all too real and you presented this "human banking" phenomena so eloquently.
ReplyDeleteI have been on both sides of this situation, yet still cannot diagnose my own reasons for getting caught up and tying up other peoples' emotions.
I agree with Giagerry about attention... or maybe it's more about having a security blanket? I do not think anyone truly wants to be alone when all is said & done, so maybe people just hold on to what they can get with hopes that they may find what they really want later.
The usual bird in hand mentality, huh? You have a point there. Welcome back!
ReplyDeleteHadn't considered it holistically, before I read your post.
ReplyDeleteWell isn't it sort of different if the 'victim' (cringe) has a partner? And you both understand the boundaries of your never-quite-to-develop-into-more-than-friendship relationship?
I mean, it's not very easy to find kindred spirits. Someone who laughs like a maniac at the bad 'robot-dance' attempts, croons for hours with you about the same music and can argue viciously like and with you just to win.
So why let the fact that there's no wild, passionate spark destroy a beautiful friendship?
I know this sounds against but it could work out if both parties are kind with each other.
True, it could still be a beautiful friendship so long as selfishness does not overcome the tenderness and other wholesome emotions.
ReplyDeleteWell said! This is one of the things in life we rarely stop & reason through.
ReplyDeleteI think it happens because of our need to have it all. Since no one person has it all (everything the partner seeks), human banking will continue. That's probably why each of us have done it to others and have been victims as well.
It's a scary cycle.
i've been a victim of this human banking so many times that i've lost count and... to be honest it's not easy to remain friends, especially when what you feel for the other person refuses to just go away.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, all I can say is that the person who usually benefits is the selfish one who fails to consider the feelings of the other.
I've found that sometimes, a clean break is needed. Any attempt at maintaining a friendship should only be after the vulnerable one feels okay with it. You're right. The selfish one usually wins all. Guess we just have to recognize our situations and get out of it if and when we can.
ReplyDelete@ think-about-it: yes o, scary cycle. I know someone like that who was so hurt when she realized she had lost her stock in someone (by wedding invitation) that she waited five years to exact her revenge. She broke up the marriage when they started having problems and when the divorce was over, she completely disappeared from the man's life and left him hanging. Five years of her life devoted to revenge for being taken advantage of. SMH.
ReplyDeleteSo on point Etoile.can`t say much coz ladies are mostly victims here. Guess its all human nature coz we sometimes have little or no control when it comes to matters of the heart. We only move on when we feel its time to coz in most cases Marriage invitations means nothing.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. It is in fact a very thin line, I think - between making a prudent investment and using someone or toying with someone's emotions. And I pause at the term 'prudent investment'. But it is what it is, in that situation. We all do a bit of human banking, I suppose. Some people are of course more ruthless and calculating than others. A thought provoking post.
ReplyDelete@ Didi: Guys go through it too o, the guys who are weeping in the friend zone because they are having their emotions toyed with and feel used are all there as examples. And you're right, sometimes the marriage invitation isn't enough to sever the ties and end the hurt. God help us all.
ReplyDelete@Adura: Thank you :) like you said, we all do a bit of it. I just hope we can catch ourselves when it's changing from 'prudent investment' to selfishness and toying with another's emotions. The line is just so thin...
ReplyDeletei think we are just selfish chale. lol
ReplyDelete@Julz: True. Looking out for number one will most likely always come first... But at least we can increase the weight of number two and co, no?
ReplyDeleteWow! great post and definitely food for thought. I think it happens more than any of us would like to admit.
ReplyDeletehttp://foodfashionandflow.blogspot.com/