Thursday, July 14, 2011
It's good to look back and see how far you've come once in a while...
In my first year of University, I was painfully shy and would cross the road to avoid passing a group of guys if I saw them coming early enough to avoid it looking really awkward and suspicious. Spotting them early enough was kind of hard to do though because I insisted on walking with all my attention on the pavement as if it was the most interesting thing I’d ever seen.
I was scared of even my own shadow back then. I didn’t dare look in their direction if I had to swallow the bitter pill of passing them. What was I scared of?
1) that someone may like what he saw and endeavour to make me a target for his ‘lustful desires’. I had heard stories of how third and final years pounced on unassuming, naive girls like myself. I was aware how vulnerable I was because of how little I knew and had been exposed to. And it scared me… and made me afraid.
2) I was scared that someone wouldn’t like what he saw and make a remark or comment that would mar my self-esteem which was perpetually on life-support back then.
Today, my self-esteem is off life-support, not because I think of myself any highly than I used to back then, sadly. It’s because I have recognized that even if I bumped into twenty people in one day who all hated how I looked, spoke, or everything I am, they are only twenty out of over six billion people.
I walk comfortably past a group of guys now. I even check them out to see if there’s any eye candy to feast my eyes upon for a few seconds. I am not the girl I used to be… and I am glad.
So, what personal change are you grateful for?