(The) Some Male Minds

Reading Dava's Blog the other day, I was reminded of one incident that left a sour taste in my mouth. I was on a bus headed for circle and the radio programme airing at that time was on ladies who cheated on their husbands, got pregnant, and passed the kids off to their husbands as their own (their husbands, that is).

There was one very vocal guy on the bus who exclaimed that it would never happen to him, that women could not be trusted, and that was why he would never marry but will continue to use as many women as he could. To quote him, 'As you no go fit put meter for your woman top, she fit share plus any bro. So why pay for it?Why be the monkey when you can be the baboon and chop some free?' He went on and on for about fifteen minutes.

Of course, I must mention that considering this man's looks and mannerisms, it was no loss to women that he didn't want to get married. However, his opinions which he was proudly forcing down our throats just rubbed my feminist self too badly for me not to comment. 

I turned to the guy sitting next to me and said 'This guy is making noise. How will what he is saying solve anybody's problems? Besides, if no man was to touch another woman other than his wife, this problem would be non-existent.' Seriously, guys, think about it... (Of course, reasoning along similar lines, I will also say that if women allowed only their husbands to touch them, cheating husbands would be non-existent cos there would be no one for them to cheat with. If he was going around using women (other people's wives, now or in future), why was he making noise about someone using his own?

And here, [Editor's note: Did my suggestion sound ridiculous? It would in this day and age, right? Like Miss Kris said, 'that is such an amazing way to think about it. too bad it's unrealistic... that's like asking for a world of completely monogamous people. doubt people will ever come around to that. but it's a really good hypothesis anyway'. And because we are not willing to make that sacrifice, we shouldn't blame anyone for the mess we're in. We are all contributing - consciously or unconsciously. Just work on YOUR relationship]

Mr. vocal overheard this and said 'How can I dae a girl and not touch her? What the would show that she is mine?' He then proceeded to propound a very stupid theory. "Women are proud and very aware of their sexuality these days and use their sexuality against men. With the campaign for girl-child education, they have also become loud and argumentative. We all know women are smarter than us so the only way you can subdue a today's woman is to sleep with her. Then, she becomes mellow and knows her place.

Seriously? Sex is how you subdue a woman and retain your manhood? Then that manhood must not have been very big to begin with. You cannot imagine how pissed I was. .. He actually said 'When you catch her, you give it to her well well and she will know who is boss.' Lesbianism began to look very good to me, especially when about 70% of the men in the bus proceeded to agree with him. 

When you take a woman's sexuality and womanhood and bastardize it, making it her weakness and your weapon against her, a way of staking your claim on her... Will she want to be a WOMAN? Be with a man?No wonder more and more ladies are becoming lesbians. No wonder more women are wising up and using their sexualities to get what they want from life. It's sad, really! But hey, if they are going to be used anyway, it might as well be on their terms, don't you think?

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Of course, I shouldn't really pay that much attention to this guy. He also said educated women should not marry educated men because those will cheat on them. They should marry fitters, masons and the like to decrease the income gap... We asked him what he would say and do if his university graduate daughter wanted to marry a truck-pusher and he fumbled. Everyone in the car pounced on him... even the masons and fitters who had initially nodded when he started the theory joined in.

When someone asked if he had ever been hurt by a woman, he said never! How possible? He also said he had 4 sisters and that his parents were still together. Where then did he get this 'socialization' from? Is there hope at all with men walking about thinking like this???

On being Feminist - Part Two

This is the continuation of my previous post - On being Feminist... EnjoY!

Perhaps masculine conceit leads men to believe, when women ask for equal rights and freedoms, that women want to be equal to them. I believe, correct me if I am wrong, that all the fighting for equal rights, really, is to enable us be the best we can be. Perhaps, men are scared about us obtaining this because they fear (again, correct me if I am wrong) that if the grounds were leveled, we would prove better than them in so many ways. Well, let me assure you guys, your fears are completely founded! (Hey, I’m feminist I’m allowed.)

POLITICS AND FEMINISM
That said, I just have to say here that I did not agree with the rationale behind asking for a 50-50 representation in parliament. Margaret Thatcher and Sir Ellen Johnson Sirleaf did not need legislation to make it. I don’t believe incompetent women should be put in parliament because they are women. That would seriously backfire. Let the women be given the level ground upon which they would stand against their male counterparts. And if she proves more competent or worthy than the guy, let her not be put aside because she is a woman.

Putting an incompetent woman in power will only ensure we revert back to the time where there were no women in parliament. Hawa Yakubu did not need legislation to make it and she made us all proud. Granted, if more women were given the chance, they would shine like her. However, let them get that chance because they have both proven and potential competence and not because their gender and legislation gave them an upper hand. Obaa Hemaa got to be SRC president of the University of Ghana, to an extent, through sympathy votes. Sure, she had a message, the requisite charisma, etc. but she was not hired on level ground as her male counterparts. She put in some effort and people probably thought – awww, that is so cute. A woman who wants to be SRC president and she can talk too. Let’s give the women a chance and let’s see. It’s about time. And she won! Women were happy. Some men were happy. Feminists and Gender advocates in Ghana lauded what a great victory for women it was.

We all hoped and prayed she would prove that what a man could do, a woman could do as well, or even better. Well, she did prove that, but only not in the positive ways we expected. Now she has ensured that no woman will have the chance to be SRC president for a long time. For a lady to achieve this within ten years of her tenure of office, (it’s already been four, right?) that lady would have to prove herself at least three times as much as her male counterparts. And this is me being optimistic. If we put incompetent women in parliament just because they are women, I see a similar situation arising. I think you’ve had more than the daily recommended dose of feminism for now.

DISCLAIMER: I do not hate men. I find them rather useful around the house – for fetching stuff, carrying heavy stuff, massaging you when you are tired or pregnant or have a back ache, keeping you warm, providing warm sperms for baby making, etc. etc. Gotcha! Just kidding!!!

But I seriously don’t hate men. I realized early on that I don’t have to hate men to be pro women. My point? We are not equal. We will probably never be. But we can complement each other. Why should you stand on me when we can stand side by side? When I am willing to reduce my swag and stand with you? Lol. Sorry, I just HAD to chip that one in. Hehehe!

On being Feminist...

On being feminist...

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute. ~Rebecca West, "Mr Chesterton in Hysterics: A Study in Prejudice," The Clarion, 14 Nov 1913, reprinted in The Young Rebecca, 1982

It never ceases to amuse me when my friends refer to me as a feminist. Initially, it bothered me. I tried to defend my stance whenever I made a statement, remark or suggestion that was branded feminist. Over time, I grew tired of all that defense. I really thought, felt and believed those things I said and if my thoughts, feelings and if my thoughts, beliefs and feelings branded me a feminist, why resist? If not being a feminist meant renouncing any of those things, then it also meant renouncing who I was and I’d rather be who I am, feminist and all, than waste time failing at the alternative (i.e. pretending to be otherwise)

One might think I accepted the brand feminist too readily. Not really. I began to enjoy the name even, shortly after acceptance, when I realized what the general Ghanaian (read Ghanaian men I have debated gender issues with) definition for feminism is. I may not be able to give you a strict definition, but it is very close to what my starting quote says. Now, I will answer readily to the name feminist, sometimes thanking you for the compliment, and sometimes exaggerate my stance to poke a bit of fun at those brave enough to debate me on gender issues. The frustrating thing about this is that most at times, my interlocutors do not get my joke and I laugh alone.

I think I remember my debut ‘single’ which launched me into the feminist industry. I was one fine Saturday, overhearing a conversation between two guys (I refuse to call them gentlemen) and a lady when I got the inspiration for this ‘single’ It was around that time when some women’s rights advocates were agitating for 50-50 representation in parliament and I was in a tro-tro (bus) headed for the central business district of Accra from Legon campus.

The subject was being discussed on radio and immediately the topic was broached, these two guys, having out-numbered this young lady, proceeded to give all the reasons why women will never be equal to men (as if that was the point of the radio discussion!). The lady tried – I must give her some credit for that – but these two guys bullied her both conversationally and physically. She was of a slight frame and she was sitting between the guys… what chance did she stand? Again, they talked over her whenever she started to talk. In the end, she laughed and conceded defeat saying she was all talked out.

I, who had been sitting behind them all this while doing my best to keep my thoughts to myself, tapped her lightly on the shoulder and said “Sweetheart, don’t worry your head over them. Who says we want to be equal to them anyway? Why would we? When we are superior to them in so many ways? Becoming equal to them would mean a demotion from our superior place. And we certainly wouldn’t want that would we?” With that, I smiled sweetly at the trio. The guys were shocked into silence and I was able to enjoy the rest of the ride in peace. I’m sure they restarted the discussion after I got off; but my point had been made.

Recounting this to a friend that evening, he said; “Herr, Feminist paa dis!” I thought I had been stating the obvious. Men and women will never be equal. Equal rights will not make us equal. Giving an apple the same rights as an orange will never make the two equal.