Monday, April 4, 2011

I Break Too...

I am the girl with the 'I don't need you' smile
With the 'don't come close' walk
With the 'go away' glare

I am everywhere.

You see me in the cafeteria with my Classic Literature
Laughing at something a dead author wrote long ago
Looking engrossed in a world of my own
Glaring furiously at anyone who approached 
The seat across from me
Can't you see I don't want you here? My glare says
Can't you see I'm avoiding you?
Everyone? It asks.

I'm reading classic literature 
Because I do not want to fall in love
With a character whose kind may exist in real life
Who I may chance upon 
and actually fall in love with.
With the 'thees' and 'thous' and knights and dukes
I let my guard down
I laugh, I smile, I fall in love
It's a zero risk lottery because 
they cannot love me back even if they wanted to
And so I expect nothing, receive nothing
And that nothingness is comforting and safe
Because I control it

I am the girl with the 'who needs love' laugh
With the 'leave me be' tone
And the 'repulsed yet?' style

Hiding under clothes that blend me in...
With the walls and hallways of Campus
You see me and smile, I glance away
You say 'hello' and I bob my head furiously
To music only I can hear...
Music which does not exist
My earphones haven't been plugged in 
To anything for as long as I can remember

A tap on the shoulder causes me to cringe
A tender goodbye scares me...
Please don't ask for a hug
Don't stare, don't share, don't care
for I might do something crazy, like care back
Like let you in the fortress I've built around my heart
It's taken 20 something years, 10 months and 29 days
To get it just right
Don't poke through that crack; don't knock on that gate
Don't try to get through... 
Please don't try

Unless you're here to stay

For under the steel reinforced concrete lies a fragile heart
that breaks easily
Under the 'whatever' shrug and certain retreat
Is a woman and a girl with long buried feelings
Which seem to want to come back to life for you
And under all that ice,
I break too!

So Go Away!!!
(Please Stay!)

True, the walls keeping you out are locking me in
And I feel suffocated sometimes
But my fear and pride insist 'Stay out!'
As my heart cries feebly...
'Please, Stay?'

Whatever you decide, tread carefully
For be not fooled, I break too!


  1. Sweet, since i am already in, who is this for?? hmmmm... Miss u. call me

  2. well i can`t stay away from a post this Brilliant :) GOOD WORK..U Write well.

  3. Twin... i love this... too true, too real and just too damn interesting

  4. U write so well.....where does ur inspiration come from...?

  5. aww girl this is real good and i cn empathize with the girl in ur poem. we hv some similarities lol

  6. "For under the steel reinforced concrete lies a fragile heart
    that breaks easily
    Under the 'whatever' shrug and certain retreat
    Is a woman and a girl with long buried feelings
    Which seem to want to come back to life for you
    And under all that ice,
    I break too!"

    you just spilled me open in this piece. i love it.

  7. So your piece inspired me....


    I am asking for your love to flow,
    I know, I know,
    you don't need me and you want me to stay away,
    but i can't help myself but to come close anyway,
    besides, it seems as if you want me close because you are everywhere,
    you claim its a glare but all i am reading is a wanting stare,
    engrossed in your book only to build a caricature of my smile,
    with those "thees and thous", thine heart pleads to be mine,
    YOU need love and your thoughts of "leave me be" to my heart calls,
    your attempts to repulse, my passion engulfs,
    hidden behind the clothes and attempts to act aloof,
    is a want to care, a woman desiring to be loved and i am not fooled,
    so this time, my touch on the shoulder will only soothe,
    my tender hug goodbye will make you swoon,
    I will pick at that crack, barge through that gate,
    i beg of you, don't fight this, don't push back because there is a twist,
    i can promise you this,
    i will not break you,
    i intend to melt the ice around your heart and ask that you drench me in your love,
    i will not break you, i will melt you,
    so please, let your love flow.

  8. oh, this is sooo brilliant and amazing!

  9. Please please have at it, i will be honored for you to feature my piece.

  10. So all of you writing here are so so cool

    Your poem describes me.

    oye n mouse musings

    Seriously, i like.

  11. @ Anonymous: I just figured you out. I'll call.
    @ Didi: tenku...
    @ Prettykay: runs in the blood, abi :)
    @ Nancy: Thanks... From God, through life and an overactive imagination. We thank Him.
    @ Kitkat: better find your own Mouse's Musings to melt you then ;)
    @ Fantasy Queen: I have achieved what Napoleon could not do, huh? lol. glad you like it.
    @ Mouse's Musings: what is there left to say?
    @ Gifty: merci beaucoup!
    @ Tisha: I say that too often when I visit your blog 'This describes me' Thanks. Glad you like it :)