An insiders view on Eating Disorders (Bulimia, to be specific)...

*Eating disorders break my heart. It is more common than we think. A 'friend' shared her story with us at a meeting and I was as shocked and surprised as the next person* I had her recapture her story...

‘HELLo, I’M cESCA and I’m bulimic’. I paused and looked across the room, waiting for the words to sink in. Most gazes I met were looking expectantly at me, waiting for the punchline to the joke I HAD to be telling. I don’t blame them. At UK size 20, an eating disorder was the last thing one would think of when one saw me.

I smiled and turned sideways so they could better appreciate my girth, and, if I’m to be honest, make my pronouncement even more profound. ‘I can see many of you are shockprised’ I started “You’re probably wondering what the punchline is, convinced this has got to be a joke. No, it is not a joke. I AM bulimic and yes, I’m still fat”

I get this reaction all the time. Many people assume to have an eating disorder, you have to be thin as a rail. It is a common misconception. Anorexia, by definition, ‘forces’ you to be thin. But the binge and purge cycle associated with bulimia has varying results. In my limited experience, the thin bulimics usually have a percentage of anorexia attached or have both throwing up and excessive exercise as their purge.

For me, throwing up is not about losing weight. I have given up on my body responding to my wishes. I throw up to feel in control. I throw up to show that if I really wanted to, I could slim down. I throw up to tell my body that it can crave things and make me eat; but it can’t force me to keep the food down. I throw up for the attention and concern I get in the bathroom…